This is not Badassery.

Before I start this post, I in no way intend this to be a "bragging of my badassery" post. More a "cry with me as I consider two equally terrible options" post.
So, a couple of nights ago, I was extremely bored and I texted a friend to ask if she wanted to hang out and she suggested that we go get some dinner and I accepted. This was around midnight and my parents really don't mind me going out that late as long as I tell them. They had just gone to bed and I didn't want to disturb them so I just decided to go. Plus, what they didn't know wouldn't kill them.
So I went to the basement and told my brother not to lock the door behind me and he said "Whatever, sure, I won't." With that, I departed.
I only meant to go out for a snack but ended up at her house playing the Sims until six thirty (Oh, I know, I am a total badass).
When she dropped me off, the door was locked because my brother is the biggest douche bag in the history of douche bag brothers.
I ended up having to call my mom to have her let me in and later that day, I was informed of my two options for punishments: Either I was grounded for two weeks or I couldn't have my laptop in my room for two weeks. As an admitted agoraphobic and because my parents still let friends come over to my house during a grounding, the answer seemed obvious.
Until my mother kindly reminded me of my friend's New Year's party, one of the few social events I look forward to.
I really hope that I'm invited because otherwise, I just made the stupidest decision I've made in a long time. Please, wallow in self-pity with me for a moment as I cling to my laptop in the god damn basement, the cause of this punishment sitting no more than a foot away from me.

Inventions of Greatness.

AN: This post is going to be really short. But anyway, here's a little crumb of my next NaNoWriMo story. Just the opening paragraphs because I am one lazy bastard. Also, I'm going to wait for NaNo to actually write it, obviously. Plus, this opening has been stuck in my head for weeks and I just want to get it out already.

If you were to ask me what the greatest invention to ever grace humankind is, I would tell you the spoon.
I'll be damned if you can find me one food that cannot be eaten with a spoon. Hell, it's had foods built around it. Take forks and chop sticks, for example; their one hamartia is they fail miserably at soup, which may be the second greatest invention to ever grace humankind.
The second on my list may have led to a bias in my first one.
You can call me a biased son of a bitch but not without admitting that at least I'm consistent.

Just.

I'm really sad right now and I just need to blog a little and cry a lot so disregard this post entirely if you want to. I will take no offense to it.
Alright, here we go.
So it's the holiday season and I should be all happy and cuddled with my family next to the fireplace and singing and dancing but all I've been doing for the past two days is laying in bed watching Netflix on my laptop with the lights off. I get up to go to the bathroom and to get something to drink.
My parents, instead of being concerned, got pissed off and forced me to leave the house and take me to the mall. I begged them not to make me because I just can't handle crowds right now for some reason but the told me to stop whining and made me go.
Thirty minutes into the trip, I just locked myself in a bathroom stall and cried.
We got home and my dad yelled at me and I once again returned to my bedroom and now neither of them is speaking to me and they just left a tray of food outside of my room and whacked on my door and it was my mom and I asked her why she was mad at me and she didn't even answer me and then I cried again and I just don't know.
It just makes me so upset that my parents won't help me.
Especially when there is something so clearly wrong and I'm just so tired of being sad all the time and I honestly just want something to change so I can just enjoy life.
And I know this whole post has made me sound like a whiny bitch but whatever.
I'm sorry.

A Junkie, A Rebel, and A Jock

Like I said in my last post, I've been really working hard on nursing this new idea I have for a novel and I decided to share with you guys the spotlights of the main three characters (in bold) and three of the main supporting characters.
Remember to keep in mind that all of this can still change whenever I want.

Esther Ellis – the rebel. Esther is in a middle class family, living with her mother, father, and grandmother. She is able to attend the Academy because of her uncle’s monetary funding. He runs an oil distillation plant. She is able to project her internal problems into the living figure—called a Nuisance—of Raphael. She was raised by her parents to take on a boyish role in the family, as their only child and being a girl, but as soon as she got to Academy, she took back to her feminine roots.

Raphael – Esther’s personified internal struggles. Raphael is invisible to everyone except those who have the ability to see other’s Nuisances. He is always voices thoughts that Esther tries to push to the back of her mind, as he is supposed to do. Raphael is the most brutal and critical person that Esther knows.

Jules Starbuck – the junkie. Son of the rich CEO of a massive banking company “The Bank of National Trade and Savings” aka TBNTS, the largest banking company in the country that deals with big business savings and trade. Jules attends Academy as an upper class citizen. He has a bad drug habit that only the very rich can afford. Jules is the younger twin brother of Francis. Both twins can make Nuisances.

Francis Starbuck – Jules’s older twin brother. He is the calmer twin and, while he drinks with his brother, he isn’t as involved in drugs as Jules is. Despite his best efforts to persuade his brother to drop the habit, it seems near impossible to, as Jules is too strong-willed, just like their father. Francis and Jules are both very closed off to the rest of the world.

Charlie Baxter – the jock. Charlie is living with his boyfriend, an emancipated teen, and is attending the Academy on a sports scholarship. Dixon, his boyfriend, dropped out of high school to focus on his full time job at a sandwich shop, so he can pay for the apartment that he and Charlie live in. Charlie is on a double scholarship for soccer and men’s volleyball. Along with a supreme athletic talent, he manages to hold a part time job and fairly average to decent grades in school.

Dixon Walker – Charlie’s boyfriend and the only reason that Charlie has a home. He sacrificed his public education when Charlie received his scholarship to Academy so he could support the two of them. Dixon is the quieter of the two but is generally in control of whatever situation they find themselves in.

Writing is Hard.

I did NaNoWriMo last month, unsurprisingly, and this year's wasn't anything important to me. See, I had tons and tons of loose ends and random ideas shoved up inside of my brain and it was really impeding my thought process so I just needed a 50,000 word barf fest to just clear everything out so I could focus on a new story.
And, oh my god, was I a genius for doing this.
With all of the random snippets cleared from my mind's stomach I was able to open myself up to new plots and inspiration struck me only days after NaNo ended.
And I am so madly in love with this story that I want to write it right away. But I know that, as with most loves, you must take your time to know and appreciate your lover before you take the next big step. So even though Camp NaNoWriMo is something like six and a half months away, I will take my time to work out everything that I want to put in it. I hate when a new inspiration hits me halfway through NaNo that changes everything and I feel like taking my time and working out all of the quirks during this huge break will really benefit this novel in the end.
I've loved all my novels, in all different ways. Not to use an over-abused simile but they're all like my children. I love them overall equally and while some may be more rebellious than others, it doesn't change the fact that they all came from the pink blob of brain matter squished in between my ears.
But, even as I love them all, some have definitely been illegitimate love children, with me imitating authors I loved rather than allowing myself to come up with something new. It's nice to have them, just as nice as the passionate love affair with whatever book I got them from was, but sometimes, you want to have your own children and that's okay.
I am so excited about this story.
(Also, I realize that I just referred to my stories as both my children and my lovers. I apologize if you find that disturbing.)

The OTP Mistake.

It is no surprise if you visit my Tumblr that I "ship" certain gay couples on TV shows. If you don't know what shipping is, I highly recommend that either get off the Internet or do some research into the weird subcultures we have here.
Anyways, many of my ships are not canon and some people in fandoms have problems with this, for some reason. This is my response to all of the people who don't understand how people can romantically ship two people who are portrayed as being interested in the sex that the other is not.
Let's take my OTP: Dean and Castiel from Supernatural.
It is pointed out many times throughout the show, mainly by Dean's many sexual romps with women, that he is straight and the only person we ever see Cas romantically interact with is Meg. So, how can so many people believe that they are attracted to each other?
The way that I see it, and remember that I'm not speaking for everyone, just myself, is that if the characters would have gotten together had their sexes corresponded with their previously stated preferences, then they are canon.
Using my above example, Cas takes a human vessel, as he is an angel. He could have picked anyone, but he chose a man. Angels, at least I think, don't have a sex. Had Cas taken a female vessel, I firmly believe that Dean would have already expressed his attraction to Cas. And that's what makes it canon in my eyes, the fact that, had one of them been in another body, they would already be canon.
However, as Dean believes himself to be straight and Cas is well--he's Cas, they haven't broached that yet.
That's why I feel perfectly comfortable shipping gay couples between characters who are not directly stated as being gay.

A Little Bit More on Pansexuality.

Okay, so, pansexuality. I've talked about it before, that I identify as pansexual and it confuses lots of people, like a few friends at school. So I decided to try and explain it in a way that might be more accessible to those who see only three categories: hetero, bi, or homosexual.
I'll start with a little metaphor.
Let's think of drinks. Every drink contains water but you can have thousands of different kinds of drinks. You can have regular water, sodas, tea, coffee, beer, wine. Now, the "straight" person in our metaphor may only like alcoholic beverages. So, they would vary a little bit among the alcohols, but always stay within that category (the differences between beer and wine and such signifying skin color, hair color, preferences like that). The homosexual might like caffinated beverages only. Again, the same applies. They may deviate a little but they always drink caffinated beverages. Then the bisexuals like to sip from both categories, but only those, ignoring things like juices or waters or smoothies or milk. That's where pansexuals come in.
They recognize that every drink tastes different and they appreciate that and recognize that, no matter how different a drink may be, there is still that life confirming water within it.
And while some pansexuals have preferences, just like any other sexuality, they don't limit themselves because of trivial things like the appearance of the bottle.
I revel in the fact that I have the ability to fall in love with whomever I want, regardless of how they identify in their minds or what's in between their legs.
Granted, as my motto is to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed, I don't see myself falling in love anytime soon.