Confession Time.

I'm one of those teenage girls that becomes way too emotionally invested in fictional things. I think in many ways this is a defensive mechanism to project emotions that I don't want to focus on in real life and blame a fictional situation for feeling them.
But I have two problems.
I hate sharing books and TV shows because, no matter how large or small the following, I feel like they're mine and the way that I see them is also purely mine and I don't want to share my experience with anyone else.
But then those times that I do share things and my friends say that they're stupid or show literally no interest in them--not even fake interest--really breaks my heart. Many times, these characters are, as cheesy as it sounds, my heroes and I look to them for strength and they help me and inspire me and then people just say that they're not important because they're not real or whatever. And what's super annoying is I always show interest in friend's media of choice, whether or not I watch it.
Is it so much to ask for those things to be reciprocated?

Word of the Week.

So, I have this thing where I'll randomly hear a word, a word I've heard a million and a half times before, but for some reason this one time is different. It's like I really hear it, like I was incapable of doing so before because I had wool in my ears.
So I hear this word and I fall madly, voraciously in love with it and I can't stop thinking of it or saying it just so I can feel its delicious sound across my tongue like that first time, the first time I fell in love with it, so I can fall in love again.
I roll it around in my brain with different intonations and accents and don't stop until it stops sounding like a word and lose all meaning but then I still hear the echo of it in the deepest corners of my brain.
It's like what normal people do with other humans of their affection.
This week or month or year or however long it'll be, that word is "perdition."
According to dictionary.com:
per-di-tion
[per-dish-uhn]
-noun
1. a state of final spiritual ruin; loss of the soul; damnation
2. the future state of the wicked
3. hell
4. utter destruction or ruin

I don't know what it is about this word that has my stomach up in knots, but, whatever it is, I love it.

Unidentified snipet. (For my upcoming NaNoWriMo)

"We, as a whole, are attracted to fractured things. We have this insatiable desire to fix everything that is shattered. We equate broken with beautiful.
"But you know what? Broken sucks. Broken people can't be 'fixed' and everyone needs to stop trying, you included. He will always be the mutilated mess that he's become and there is literally nothing you can do about it. So stop trying and stop raising him up because you think he's lovely only because he's fragile. Put him on a pedestal because he's still fighting, not because he's failed every other time."

Ode to Messing Up Your Children

It is a strange thing, not feeling an emotional connection to anything in your life.
Now that the dramatic first line hook is out of the way, let me offer you some friendly advice. When you grow up, whether or not you get married, but if you happen to have and keep children, don't move. Now, when I say don't move, I mean don't get up and move your family to a completely new set of surroundings--whether they be cities, states, countries. Maybe doing it once or twice is okay, but any more than that, and you'll end up with a seriously messed up kid.
Prime example of one of these messed up kids would be myself. I have moved a total of seven (eight? six? I have a tendency to forget) times in my life. The majority of them was when I was very young. My parents figured that that would be okay because, well I was a child and new and different things is what being a child is all about.
Let me tell you, oh how wrong they were. Every time that we moved, we would throw away probably seventy percent of our things and then just buy new ones when we got all settled in. I'm talking, furniture, clothes, books, toys.
I never, ever developed emotion attachments to anything I owned because of this. What I mean by owned is any of the things listed above and, more importantly, people.
This next part may make me sound like a completely and horrible person but it takes a hell of a lot to get me to actually care about you. I'm talking about years upon years of hard work of chipping away at me to finally get me to crack.
And even when you do, and let me tell you, that is rare, it's as easy for me as discarding a used tissue to be over you. See, I get bored with people. I get bored with people because I've seen and met so many that if you're not constantly offering up new and interesting things about yourself, that you can quickly become bland to me.
I had to learn to do this. There was literally no other option in my life than to have such a complete emotional shut down. I couldn't afford the energy it takes to say goodbye to people I love and to stay in contact with them.
Which is one reason the majority of my friends from my old hometown have been dropped. I wish I could have invested my heart into them, I really do, but I knew what would happen and I knew I would end up having to leave and so I didn't.
I just can't let myself get hurt and this was the easiest way out.
Oh, how fucked up  I am.