You know what's insane?
I need to spit you a conversation that I had with the girl I babysit today.
Me: /staring blankly off into space/
Her: Laugh.
Me: Hm?
Her: Is it hard to make you laugh?
Me: Generally. Well, actually, it depends on the humor.
Her: Would you say you're a happy person or a sad person?
Me: ...
Her: Avery?
Me: I guess a sad person?
Her: Well, you need to be a happy person. So, laugh!
Me: It's not that easy to fix...
Her: Why can't it be?
Me: Because sometimes life won't let you be happy.
Her: Who cares about that? If you're sad, just let go. It's Halloween! You're not allowed to be sad! What can I do to make you not be sad?
Me: Just eat.
Her: Nope. I'm going on a hunger strike until you're happy again.
Me: Then you might as well starve.
I think it is fucking insane that the first person to actually and seemingly genuinely care about my happiness is a 3rd grader I babysit three times a week. Everyone else I know will just accept "I'm fine," or "It's whatever," as an acceptable answer. And it's true that I don't want to talk about it with my friends but, Jesus, get me a fucking therapist before I actually end up killing someone.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
People to People.
At the very beginning of the school year, I got a letter from a program called People to People.
For those of you who don't know, a little bit of background for you.
People to People is a program created by Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1956, after World War II. He set up the program to promote understanding and peace and relationships between cultures and countries around the world. Students in the US are selected to travel to a country foreign to them.
So I recieve this letter and I attend the meeting, figuring that I had nothing to lose. To get into the program, you have to get three recomendation letters and attend an interview so they can get to know you.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to get in. I'm not interesting enough and my grades aren't very good and I have a very harsh and demanding personality.
Wouldn't you know it, I got a call last Monday saying that I made it into their Celtic Cultures program for next summer.
I am literally so excited at the opportunity to be able to go back to Europe. I loved it once and I know that I'll love it again.
For those of you who don't know, a little bit of background for you.
People to People is a program created by Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1956, after World War II. He set up the program to promote understanding and peace and relationships between cultures and countries around the world. Students in the US are selected to travel to a country foreign to them.
So I recieve this letter and I attend the meeting, figuring that I had nothing to lose. To get into the program, you have to get three recomendation letters and attend an interview so they can get to know you.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to get in. I'm not interesting enough and my grades aren't very good and I have a very harsh and demanding personality.
Wouldn't you know it, I got a call last Monday saying that I made it into their Celtic Cultures program for next summer.
I am literally so excited at the opportunity to be able to go back to Europe. I loved it once and I know that I'll love it again.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Spoken Word Poetry.
So, I finally joined my school's creative writing club, which I have been avoiding doing because I was afraid of being judged by my peers.
With that self-conscious bullshit aside, I will move on with the story.
I am not a poet; many of you who follow my blog may have assumed that because I never post poetry. I have never been good at writing poetry, however much I love to read it, and because of that, I had given up all hope of being able to be a poet on the side.
But, back to creative writing club. We have a "theme," if you will, every week and last week's was spoken word poetry. I had never heard of spoken word before, except from my friend Maggie. To say that I was dreading writing spoken word would be an understatement.
But I wrote something that resembled poetry and I spoke it in front of the group and I fell in freaking love.
I have been watching videos of spoken word and writing it and thinking about it every day since.
If you're looking for a new art form, you should definitely check out spoken word. It's indescribable.
With that self-conscious bullshit aside, I will move on with the story.
I am not a poet; many of you who follow my blog may have assumed that because I never post poetry. I have never been good at writing poetry, however much I love to read it, and because of that, I had given up all hope of being able to be a poet on the side.
But, back to creative writing club. We have a "theme," if you will, every week and last week's was spoken word poetry. I had never heard of spoken word before, except from my friend Maggie. To say that I was dreading writing spoken word would be an understatement.
But I wrote something that resembled poetry and I spoke it in front of the group and I fell in freaking love.
I have been watching videos of spoken word and writing it and thinking about it every day since.
If you're looking for a new art form, you should definitely check out spoken word. It's indescribable.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Care Given to the Uncared For.
So, today I agreed to begin babysitting my mother's friend's grandson (TOO MANY POSSESSIVE PRONOUNS!). His eighteen month old brother has recently fallen ill and they're worried that this three year old boy is going to start feeling like his mom and dad don't pay as much attention to him as they should.
This is unsettling to me for many reasons.
When I was younger, I had something extremely similar happen to me. I had an infection settle in my knee for about three weeks, leaving it immobile. This baby, instead of having his infection settle in his knee, has had it settle in his brain. Because of this, he's at the doctor's twenty four seven and this little kid is being left in the waiting room all alone.
I think this is insanely interesting, that we seem to forget that while, yes this kid may not die from being alone, he still feels like his little brother is more important to his parents than he is.
I have a feeling that Will and I will become great friends and I cannot wait to start babysitting him.
This is unsettling to me for many reasons.
When I was younger, I had something extremely similar happen to me. I had an infection settle in my knee for about three weeks, leaving it immobile. This baby, instead of having his infection settle in his knee, has had it settle in his brain. Because of this, he's at the doctor's twenty four seven and this little kid is being left in the waiting room all alone.
I think this is insanely interesting, that we seem to forget that while, yes this kid may not die from being alone, he still feels like his little brother is more important to his parents than he is.
I have a feeling that Will and I will become great friends and I cannot wait to start babysitting him.
Monday, October 1, 2012
What to know something?
Something that I find legitimately sad?
I want none of my family to attend my wedding. I don't want my father to "give me away" or whatever that bullshit is called. I'm not his property. He's not giving me as a gift to some random dude for land and/or monetary gain. What has my dad ever done that gives him any right to attend what's supposed to be the most important day of your life (which I'm sure it's not; it's just advertised that way)?
And I doubt my brother would show up even if I did invite him. He promised to disown me as his sister as soon as he legally could, which is always super pleasant.
Also, my family is from the south and I don't suspect that my vows--if I even have any--will have any religious content at all and let's just say that's not how I want to come out as an atheist to my family. I'm sure as soon as they find out, I'll be written out of their wills too.
What I guess I'm trying to say is that my family won't even want to come and I won't want them either so what's the point in inviting them?
I want none of my family to attend my wedding. I don't want my father to "give me away" or whatever that bullshit is called. I'm not his property. He's not giving me as a gift to some random dude for land and/or monetary gain. What has my dad ever done that gives him any right to attend what's supposed to be the most important day of your life (which I'm sure it's not; it's just advertised that way)?
And I doubt my brother would show up even if I did invite him. He promised to disown me as his sister as soon as he legally could, which is always super pleasant.
Also, my family is from the south and I don't suspect that my vows--if I even have any--will have any religious content at all and let's just say that's not how I want to come out as an atheist to my family. I'm sure as soon as they find out, I'll be written out of their wills too.
What I guess I'm trying to say is that my family won't even want to come and I won't want them either so what's the point in inviting them?
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