People sometimes ask me why I'm so okay with being blatantly inappropriate or offensive and my answer has always been the same. "Oh, I just voice my opinion." "What people think of me doesn't matter."
The latter is true, it doesn't matter what people think of me. What matters, at least in my brain, is that people think of me at all. As afraid as I am that people will get mad at me and say awful things about me when I'm not around, as afraid as I am that people will begin to hate me for the things I say, I'm terrified of being so unimportant that people don't bother to talk about me at all.
That I'm just the forgettable girl in that one class in sophomore year, the smart one who was kind of gross looking. I would much rather be that "fucking bitch who was hating on Christianity" at lunch. That gets you remembered.
Every kind of publicity is good publicity.
Not mattering is scarier than being hated, to me.
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